Can we really use our imagination to manifest what we want from life? I know there are plenty of spiritual speakers out there who claim we can, that if we need to lose weight we just imagine ourselves at our ideal weight, affirm it every day in present tense and positively and it will happen, and they also claim it has worked for them.
I have always had a vivid imagination and so can dream up all sorts of scenarios in my life, good and bad, not that I necessarily want them to all come true, but some of them give me comfort when I need it, but the ones I really do want, my dreams, aspirations, ambitions, call them what you will even when I do realise them seem somehow to go wrong, either not what I expected or ending up in a dramatic fall from grace. I feel I must be doing something wrong, either that I or what I dream is not my true path or dharma in life. I have struggled and struggled to find my purpose in life, moving from one thing to another to find that it either does not satisfy or causes me so much stress that I fail.
As I work on once again finding my purpose, hopefully one that also brings financial reward, I wonder is it because I have always wanted to please others that I fail. Is it because what I do is not just for me and about me but also doing what I feel others want of me, seeking their validation before embarking on a new path, expecting praise when a job is done well, to be acknowledged and noticed for what I do and who I am.
I realise that until I can accept myself and not just my limitations but also my strengths and can see that what I do is good enough I will continue to fight an uphill battle. That is the hard part, silencing the critical voice that has been with me for so long, the voice that tells me I am not good enough, there is nothing special about me, what I do everyone else can do (and usually better!).
I strive now every day to counteract that voice, to if not silence it completely then at least temporarily; to use positive affirmations in its place. While I am still afraid to imagine my dreams unfolding fully I can now at least give some thought to them, I hope, I pray that maybe this one will come true, but I endeavour to conquer the fear of failure that grips me every time I think of it. There is nothing more I can do, it is out of my hands now.
I will not criticise myself today. I am neither too little nor too much and I do not have to prove myself to anyone. – Louise L Hay
Searching for the light. 